Fear, it’s something that grips us all every now and then as we go about our day. Fear that you won’t pass an exam, fear that you might trip and break a bone in the snow, fear of the unknown, fear you won’t get your dream job…the list goes on really.
I watched a gory film the other night which led me to thinking about how certain things scare me in life, that combined with the beautiful song by Ben Howard – The Fear made me then realise;
Fear runs my life!
But the big issue is the fear of something happening to me because of my diabetes! So technically that also means diabetes runs my life in a way I don’t want it to.
I should probably explain that in a long winded way 😉 Just to keep your brains occupied hahaha
You see I am a self proclaimed wimp. This whole snow issue has thrown me out the last few days, sent my mind into overdrive and for whoever has had the pleasure of venturing outdoors with me probably drove them mad. You see I step on the snow and then thing I’M GOING TO SLIP AND DIE. Which result in me walking like I have a stick up my bottom. Failing that I think to myself my pump is in my pocket if I go down that goes down with me = wet pump or a smashed pump. To be honest I’m probably not giving it credit enough, it is most likely able to survive me falling over in a bit of snow/ice.
Another thing that scares me in the silliest way is roller coaster rides. I suppose everyone is slightly scared of roller-coaster rides that it may come off the track its on a you may plummet to your death, or that the harness will break and result in death or similar. But want to know what gets me the most? The fear of having a hypo or hyper whilst on a ride, collapsing and not being found in time. Thinking about it logically it is stupid really, a ride isn’t that long and if I checked my sugar levels before I went on it I am sure I will be fine. Well I know I would; I have been on rides before but still it’s funny how the mind works.
But although my fear has prevented me from doing things it has also stopped me from being reckless in life. I suppose most teenagers have times when they do idiotic things and I’m not saying I’m perfect cause I damn well am not and there is many stories my family could tell you all to back this up. However unlike a lot of people my age that I know my diabetes has prevented me from doing a few things such as;
Getting completely off my face most weekends – I’m not saying I don’t drink I do but I know my limitations and the few times where I have been reckless have been a learning curve and taught me that although I have never ended up hospitalised if I took it a step further I could have. Everyone does stupid things when they are drunk but I can’t risk acting like a twit when it comes to my diabetes and doing silly stuff like “pretending” to take my sugar levels or using my phone. Clever I know
Taking drugs – I can proudly say I have never touched a drug and until someone pointed it out recently didn’t even know what weed smells like. I have been to parties where people have been high and seen people doing drugs but have never wanted to. Also if I’m honest I wouldn’t know how it would react with my diabetes and I want to live to an old age and not end up in hospital really so I have avoided it like the plague. It has never really appealed to me either, if I wanted to change my mood then I’d go to sleep and hope I woke up feeling different. Never works but is worth a try.
I’m sure there is many more things but the one that is my biggest diabetic fear is ending up in a coma. I avoid being hospitalised with my diabetes, not that I’ve ever needed to be. But even the suggestion of having to go in when I had the novovirus this year was a big no no. Six years without being hospitalised for anything diabetes related in my eyes is a brilliant achievement which I hope to carry on for many more years. Yet if I’m honest what keeps me from ever rebelling against my diabetes is that I’m so bleeding scared of ending up in a coma and possibly loosing my life. The though actually makes me slightly panicky and emotional.
So I suppose really fear can be a good thing. It prevents us from overstepping some marks but sometimes the fear can eat away at us. So maybe I do need to man up slightly, mess around in snow a bit more and if I fall over I fall over. Experience more theme parks, stop fearing what people think of me, and live my life out of the confines of fear. But remember not to over step the mark.
I wonder how many things you (my lovely readers) actually fear, if you take the time to sit down and think maybe you’ll be surprised cause I can tell you I was. Some of the thing’s I wrote down were random, weird and laughable. But to me in my head they create a little bit of fear. Some don’t prevent me from living my life…actually most don’t but there is the worry that one day they might.
So do me a favour, write down things you are scared of and see if you can get over your fears or just make them known to you. As I’ve realised now I know my fears some of them I can try to get over and who knows life my be that little bit better.
I hope you all had fun in the snow and enjoy the prettiness of it. I also hope it did not stop you from enjoying your weekend and getting out…or maybe you didn’t want to and it gave you a reason to be lazy.
I wish you all a lovely week ahead and look forward to hearing any feedback. I hope you all enjoy this Sunday Blog and thank you for reading. It means so much to me 🙂