Firstly I apologise for no posting for a fairly long time. My excuse is both haven been on placement and also I’ve been slacking in all things diabetes. To be honest I’m just feeling fed up with it. I see people around me everyday living a “normal” life. Eating with no worries, skipping meals, eating late – all the things that would create havoc with my sugars.
I struggle with my diabetes for the first time on my last placement. Normally I haven’t found them to bad on placement and after a few shifts managed to swing into a routine with shift work and being a type one. However it didn’t not go so smoothly on my last placement (I shall talk about the whole aspect of placements in a blog soon 🙂 ) So anyway I nose dived with it all from April and then was walking somewhere last week and realised that I had taken a nose dive and needed to sort it out. Easier said than done sometimes.
I want to be the perfect Type One Diabetic. Have a healthy diet, carb count everything I eat, have perfect sugars…but the last few months I’ve felt slight resentment at having this long term condition.
I’m not saying everyday is like this, or that I spend my whole life wallowing in self pity (which is probably what it sounds like I’m doing now) – normally I lead a good balanced life. However life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows and sometimes like a walking into a glass door it all suddenly hits you!
The reason I’m writing this blog is so that maybe I can portray a bit of the dark side of living as a Type One. Maybe dark side is a bit extreme…but the tough side of having it.
A big part of my issues is probably fear. It might sound stupid to some people but I’m worried one day I’ll end up having a bad hypo and not waking up. I find it more worrying at night than I do during the day. I never used to worry this bad about hypos, I’ve been lucky with the fact I have yet to have a really bad one. But I’ve noticed over the last year or slow my hypo symptoms have gotten less strong. I don’t spend my life in fear, but every now and then I’ll panic over a sugar level of 4.8 before I go to bed or 5. In my eyes I feel what I’m feeling is natural and I have way to manage it; staying up a bit longer to double check, telling myself I’m being silly and just getting on with it.
That’s not the only reason though! Diabetes affect just about the whole of your body and sometimes knowing that can be tiring let alone trying to cope with it. For every high sugar I have I damage a part of an organ.
And sometimes it is just the hassle of it all that can get you down.
Picture this you’ve just come home, you go upstairs put your bag down and get changed. Run downstairs and dinners ready. Now you have to run upstairs grab your blood sugar monitor out of your bag, check your sugars, work out how much carbs are in your food and punch it all into the machine and then you can eat. Guess what your dinner is now only partially warm.
So it can be a bit of a drag! As is my moaning most probably. In one of those moods and felt bad for not posting in a while. I bet I’m scoring points for putting a smile on your faces…not. Hahaha. I’ll do a deal. My next blog will be much more upbeat and I shall do it early sunday morning before I go to work 🙂
Sorry for the delay in a post. Hope you all can forgive me.
Lots of love!
Also thank you for everyone who has to put up with my moods *cough* family *cough* James *cough* friends *cough* You all know who you are. 😉