What Brings Me Down

Okay so its the 3rd day of #DBlogWeek and the topic for today is What brings me down (in relation to having type one diabetes). I suppose some have been mention but this one is going to sum them all up. I’ve decided to try the headings approach (damn its going to look like an essay). So I realise this blog is going to be a bit depressing so I want to HIGHLIGHT the point that there are many benefits to having type one diabetes such as my DOC (diabetes online community) friends and the fact it has made me who I am today but this will just show you all the struggles as a type one I face on a day-to-day basis. 

Same s**t everyday

I wake up everyday and do my sugar level. I do my sugar level for every meal. I carb count every meal and give myself insulin for every meal. I do my sugar level for when I feel high….or for when I feel low. I treat for lows….I correct for highs. I do my sugar level before I go to sleep. And that is just a basic overview. But it gets tiring…diabetes it tiring…it takes up a lot of my time during the day and night and I can’t just forget about it. People seem to have the impression sometimes that I can have a “break” from diabetes and just forgot about it. But it is physically impossible. It takes up to much of my time to forget about it…and I have constant reminders wherever I look!

Stress

So everyone hates being stressed I know that and everyone gets stressed. I’m a stress head I know that but what is my biggest problem when I’m stressed…oh wait you got it…my sugar level goes high. It is just the icing on the cake really…my sugars go high and then I become more stressed about getting them down and then I become angry and an emotional wreck. It makes an already horrible situation worse.

Highs and Low

Having type one diabetes is a roller coaster in all different angles. Emotionally and sugar levels etc. But in terms of sugar levels it is another exhausting thing and takes up so much time to deal with.

For example if my sugar level is over 12 my mouth starts to go dry, I end up drinking gallons and peeing the equivalent out, my head starts to pound and I become instantly angry. It also takes so long to sort out sometimes…I correct then check half an hour later…if still high I correct again and then check again half an hour later…if still high I set change or inject or both….until it starts to go down. After than all I want to do is sleep for a couple of days.

Now if my sugar level is low (below 4) I become shaking, hot, hungry and super tired. So the whole checking and treating process starts. Normally it doesn’t take long because it goes up. I’ve had a few times where I’ve struggled to get it up though and those are the worst because when I finally get it past 4.5 half an hour later it is sky high. But yet again it is another thing which afterwards will make me extremely tired.

Both of these things can happen when I’m out with friends or family, or just at home or on holiday and the worse thing about it is it ruins anything you are doing as your moods change and it then takes up your whole time. You can ignore your bodies physiological response to a hyperglycaemia or hypoglycaemia episode.

People

My diagnosis of type one diabetes brought me closer to people and further away from others. It is a hard condition for people to understand especially with the way the media portrays it sometimes. Obviously as I have just explained diabetes can feel like it is taking over my life and takes up a lot of time and it can also change my mood and turn me into a blubbering wreck or a horrible cow. Over the years of having my condition I have learnt that you find out who will support the whole of you (both me and the diabetes) and those who won’t. When all is good with diabetes you don’t notice this that much but as soon as you lapse into diabetes burnout in some shape or form people either stay strong and invite you out for icecream (thanks Laura hahaha) or they don’t. It is something that has constantly happened over the years and it is something you get use to but maybe it is a positive thing in disguise? 

Sometimes it feels like people judge me for my diabetes rather than me. People can also make upsetting comments about my condition and sometimes they don’t mean it but it still hurts. I’ve been stared at before when doing injections, been asked if I was a fat child and been told to stop being silly it is only diabetes. Sometimes I can’t blame the people that say it because they don’t understand the condition but that doesn’t stop it from hurting and making me want to cry.

But can I quickly mention loads of people have supported me through lots of diabetes stuff and I will be forever grateful to them and also the DOC are all lovely and are friends I have made BECAUSE of my diabetes. Another thing is you find that you become friends with other people with diabetes or their families in the oddest of places…for example a certain Caribbean cruise (*cough* Donna, Kev and Chanelle *cough*) 

Weight

So when I first got diagnosed with diabetes I was a skinny minny and was for a while. It is the only last few years I have started to put on weight and I’m currently at a healthy weight just need to tone up a bit. But putting on weight and loosing weight can be a struggle when you have diabetes. Obviously the condition means that you technically shouldn’t spend all day stuffing your face with cakes which is the perfect way to put on weight. It is harder to put on weight when you are trying to eat healthily and not cram 24 cream cakes into your gob. I haven’t tried to loose weight yet but from what I have read from other blogs it can be a bit of a struggle. Don’t ask me why cause right now I can’t be bothered to look it up…but maybe when I’m not being a lazy moo I will do that hahaha. 

Pain

It is so painful sometimes having diabetes. The tips of my fingers get sore from testing my sugar levels. When I was doing injects the sites would sting and sometimes bleed. Now I’m on my pump it isn’t as bad but sometimes I hint the wrong spot when I change my set and it makes my eyes water and bottom throb. 

Vain Meg

You just can’t be self concious with type one diabetes…well obviously you can but it isn’t helpful. I love my insulin pump but it is constantly attached and sometimes makes wearing tight clothing hard cause it pops out and can make me feel really unattractive. I also used to love the fact I had quite dainty long fingers (big ego here hahaha) and my nails use to be long and lovely (short and stumpy now cause of nursing hahaha) but I hate my fingers now…I have marks on the tips from testing my sugars…bio oil has helped but sometimes I look at the marks and they make me want to cry. They are a constant reminder. 

 

Anyway I feel I’ve written enough about the what bring me down topic and I want to end on a high note. Since I have had diabetes my life has been turned upside down in many ways both good and bad. But if it wasn’t for my diagnosis I don’t think I would have ever considered being a nurse, similarly I would have never met such lovely diabetes teams (nurses, consultants etc) who have helped me loads throughout the years. I wouldn’t have the lovely support and friendship of the DOC community or had the chance to meet up with other with diabetes. I also don’t think I would be as strong as I am now, diabetes has helped me realise what I want in life, that I have to grab it before the chance goes and you have to live life to the fullest (it is way to short). I am also lucky cause I have such lovely family, boyfriend and friends who have supported me and been there for me and I will never ever ever be able to truly thank them for everything they have done. 

Thank you for reading. Side note it is my birthday tomorrow (21 WHOOOP) so I might be late with the next two DBlogWeek topics but will definately aim to post them all by Saturday evening at the latest. But I plan on enjoying my birthday however tomorrow is going to be calmer than Friday so I may have a sneaky chance to get on my laptop and write tomorrows. 

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