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Today is my Dad’s birthday. So I decided to write a little something on my blog in his honour because he has helped me become the woman I am today. He is the first man I ever loved and I will always be his little girl.   

  
He was the one who mentioned to my mum that he didn’t think I was very well, the evening I was diagnosed with type one diabetes. He at times isn’t the most observant person but he was on that day. I remember seeing him cry for the first time that evening as well (although he probably won’t like the fact I’m broadcasted that). 
   

   

He has taught me right from wrong and like I said helped shaped me into the woman I am today. I can always count on him to say I look nice (even if mum thinks my clothes ate not appropriate, which I’m sure in the past she has probably been correct hahaha) but I know that if I go to him he gives in with certain things more easier than mum, for example when I was little I wanted hair like scary spice he was the one that took me to the hairdressers and let them put pipe cleaners in my hair to create the look even though mum told him not to. 

  
He is the man who has been there for me when I’ve been upset and happy and even though I am sure we argue like cat and dog sometimes and he annoys the hell out of me and I’m sure I annoy the hell out of him to he is one of the best men I know. I know if I want to have a little rant to someone he will listen (or pretend to listen) and give his advice.

I am so lucky to have him as my dad, I love him with all my heart.

Now I’m probably going to have to print this off so he sees it hahaha! But happy birthday dad! Love you xxx

  

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The last few days I’ve been trying so hard to be positive about everything! Believe me it’s not easy when my BMS are bouncing between 9 – 21 and I’ve had a sickness bug and now am on antibiotics for teeth problems. I’m exhausted and struggling to find something positive in that. 

Yet I’m still trying and I’m hoping that if I get rid of the negativity I will have more room for positivity and then be more happier. All of which is a mindset and sometimes I think I let the negativity consume me which in turns makes it harder to live with something like Type One Diabetes. 

 

So how can I turn my diabetes into positive. Well this last few weeks me and my toilet have become really good friends because of the bug and the high bms. Gaining friends is always a plus 😉 It isn’t only the toilet that I have become friends with there is such a wonderful diabetes online community which I’ve mentioned before. I’ve met and become friends with some wonderful people from it and there is endless support from people who possibly equally know how close you become to a toilet when your sugar levels are high! I promise one day I will win an award for how much I can urinate hahaha.

  

Also when the time comes for me to have children at least I can survive on little sleep. My diabetes is like a child sometimes it’s doesn’t like me to sleep. It keeps me up, makes me check on it, makes sure I feed it and keep it hydrate otherwise it does not play ball with my sugar levels. 

  
Now then there is the big bags. I’m your girl if you ever cannot be bother to take your bag out when I’m go out with you because I carry a big enough bag for three people at least…oh wait actually no you won’t be able to fit your purse in my bag when we go out…I don’t have room after I’ve put in all my spare equipment. 

  
My all time favourite thing though has to be I now think I could class as a bionic woman. According to thefreedictionary; 

bi·on·ic (bī-ŏn′ĭk)

adj.

1. Of or relating to bionics.

2. Having anatomical structures or physiological processes that are replaced or enhanced by electronic or mechanical components

3. Having extraordinary strength, powers, or capabilities; superhuman.

So technically my pancreas is a machine. Therefore surely I am bionic! Hahaha! Obviously number 3 applies as well, in what way I cannot reveal or my secret will be out 😉 

But all joking aside, as well as deciding to be positive about my diabetes I have decided I need to also be more proactive in looking after myself. So I actually went to the gym the yesterday. I am now suffering but I really enjoyed it! I didn’t change my basal rate and my sugar levels weren’t to bad. I spiked afterwards but I have been everyday at that time of the day for last couple of days so I’m not sure if that was due to the gym or not! Either way I am going to go back which says something! 

  
I found the above quote on google images earlier and it is so true. My sugar levels may have been playing up today however I do not have ketones, I’m still alive and I’m also lucky to have the equipment I have to help control my diabetes; insulin, strips and my devices; pump, contour link 2.4 and a couple of CGM. Equipment and medication I am also fortunate not to have to pay for. I also have a team that I know when they get the email I sent them tonight will reply back and help me and much as they can with my sugar levels. So I am lucky and although I have my struggles I will never let my diabetes beat me or prevent me from living a normal life. 

I’m not really normal anyway, I’m sure if you took a step into my world it would be full of bubbles, otters, craziness and other weird and wonderful things. 

I think I’ve got to the point where I’ve started to ramble, I’m too tired to read over for typos but I still hope you enjoy reading my rambles! 

Much Love

Megs 🙂 

At the moment I feel sometimes I can’t get a grip on my diabetes, like I really would quite like to bury my head in the sand, but that wouldn’t achieve much. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately as I’ve had the urge to blog but then part of me (the bury head in the sand part) does not want to acknowledge the diabetes that much to write a full blog. I’m tired, fed up and it is stressing me out. So currently in all honesty the diabetes is winning and it’s been topped off with a sickness bug which clearly made everything that much better.  
Then as I’m sat here I’m wondering when did it all go wrong? What can I do to make it better? I’ve never had perfect results or perfect habits when it comes to diabetes and I admit that freely. But I don’t think they’ve been as up and down as they have recently. 
What I have come to realise is that everything was so much easier when I was younger. I was diagnosed when I was at secondary school, I was 13 at the time. I didn’t really have what I call ‘life stresses’ going on at that time of my life, diabetes stepped in and turned my life upside down. But still I wasn’t the paranoid, stressed girl with type one diabetes that I am now. So what change? When I think about it as I started getting older and the more ‘life stresses’ that came with it the worse it got. When I was 13 my biggest worry was what I was going to wear on non-school uniform day or whether so and so was my friend. Then school changed to college and I didn’t have the best time at college, and then the big decision of what your going to do at uni comes along, with the added side order of other personal things going on, then as soon as uni starts its one thing after another.
Somewhere along the lines I stopped being the carefree Meghan and turned into the Meghan that will wake up 2hrly to check bms overnight if needed then do a 07:30 – 15:30 shift etc. The Meghan who is worried that one day I will go to bed and not wake up. But damn I really miss not getting a full nights sleep! 
I also miss not being so stressed out. I hate that I feel having type one diabetes is like a weight on my shoulders. That the rationale behind waking myself up overnight is that if I’m high before bed and don’t check to see if bm has gone down (which if it hasn’t I will wake up anyway to go to the loo) then I’m damaging my body and might go into DKA or if I’ve over corrected then I might have a hypo and not wake up. 
So what am I getting at here. My point is I think I’ve started to let my life become one big ball of stress. I’ve stopped looking through the eyes of a 13 year old where yes life isn’t perfect but I held onto my dreams and enjoyed the world. 
Don’t get me wrong I’m not some miserable cow who hates everything and everyone and doesn’t know how to smile or be happy because I do. But I’m normally having some sort of inner turmoil whether it’s about what I have or haven’t done or should have done. Whether it’s about how I’m going to achieve something. 
So my challenge to myself is to live in the moment, enjoy life, come to terms with the fact that yes I will try my best with my diabetes but sometimes I can’t help the high bms or the low ones and I will have to keep smiling. 
I’m going to stop with the blogs about how hard it is to live with diabetes and change to trying to start a new positive life whilst having type one diabetes. This does not mean I won’t be brutally honest when I’m having a bad day because sometimes I think when people ask if your okay and you say fine when your not then your just holding emotions in which in my experience is not a good thing! But I will state the facts rather than moaning and letting the negativity take a hold of my life! 
So the style of this blog might change a little bit. I still want to raise awareness of having type one diabetes so I will continue with the blog but we will have to wait and see what happens. 

  
(I took this picture the other day after waking up at 5 with a bm of 20 odd! I sat outside and had a cuppa and it was an odd positive of waking up with a high bm it meant I took five minutes to appreciate my back garden and the early summer morning before facing the day)